Last month, I attended my final event as Lean In Canada’s Director of Events. (That’s right, I’m passing on the torch to focus on real estate 100%.) While saying goodbye to an organization I helped grow from the ground up came with some mixed emotions, I’m happy to say that I’ll continue to have some involvement as an advisor. Once a co-founder, always a co-founder! 😉
Since it was my “last” night, I was sure to be extra mindful of every little detail in an attempt to take it all in. And let’s just say I was absolutely blown away by it all—from what goes on behind the scenes to the talk itself.
Fotini Iconomopoulos (a.k.a. “The Negotiator”) wow-ed the audience with some seriously life-changing tips on how to negotiate effectively, while author & on-air personality Andrea Bain asked insightful questions and provided her own witty commentary as event moderator.
The event was so good I had to write about it. (Again.) Similar to the blog post I penned after last month’s event on women and finances, I’ve compiled another list of takeaways to share with you. Because the more money you make, the easier it is to put a little extra away for rainy days—or dream homes. Which leads me to the first tip…
- Make sure you’re being paid what you’re worth. Thanks to sites like PayScale and Glassdoor, it’s pretty easy to get an idea of the typical salary for your role. Factor in how many years you’ve been doing what you’re doing and whether you’re considered a newbie or an expert in your field. Then based on what the average earner is making, decide what you’re worth. Another way to do find out is to ask around. (Yes, I’m serious.) If more of us follow in the footsteps of CNN’s Brooke Baldwin and share what we are making with a friend in the same field, perhaps it won’t be so taboo to talk amongst our peers about our salaries anymore. (Because it’s in our best interest to do so!) Just ask Fotini. While working for a boutique consulting firm, she learned that she was making significantly less than her male peers—which inspired her to go in and negotiate what she was truly worth.
- Consider your objectives. Whether you’re ready to negotiate a higher salary at your current place of work, or if you’re actively looking for a new job, it’s really important to think about your own needs and objectives, says Fotini. That’s right, it’s time to do a bit of soul-searching. Are you hoping for a promotion? Does your current salary make you feel undervalued? Where do you see yourself in the next year or so? Get all your thoughts down on paper. If asking for a raise with the goal of saving towards a downpayment is one of your objectives, write this down too. Then figure out what sort of bacon you’d need to be bringing home each month in order to do so.
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Despina Zanganas and Lean In Canada event attendees visiting the PSR booth
“Fake it ‘til you become it.” One of the biggest things holding women back from negotiating what they’re worth? Confidence. So, as women, we’ve got to do everything in our power to build ourselves up, even if it means striking a (Wonder Woman) pose. You might remember this popular Ted Talk from 2012, Your body language may shape who you are. During the talk, the speaker (who happens to be a social psychologist) advises us to trick our brains into thinking we are confident by “power posing” or assuming a position that represents confidence. So before you head to the negotiating table, make a detour to the washroom and embody Wonder Woman’s stance (stand with your legs apart and your hands on your hips) for 2 minutes. It might work… wonders? Try it out!
- You go first. Fotini calls it “anchoring,” and what it means is simply this: State your salary expectation first, making sure it’s on the higher end. (Gulp.) I know, I know. Easier said than done. The problem is that 68% of women accept their initial salary offer (vs. 42% of men). And considering most prospective employers anticipate a little back and forth when it comes to this sort of thing, it’s time we start anchoring—fast. Here’s how it works: By throwing out the first number, you are planting a number in their head, which can have a real impact on the final figure. And if you start by throwing out a relatively high number, you’ll finish on a relatively high note. If you don’t think you can do it, there is a less frightening alternative. Start with a range, but make sure your anticipated salary is at the lowest end. That way, even if you end up somewhere in the middle, you’ll still be ahead of the game.
- Ask questions. Did you know that expert negotiators ask a lot of questions? (See what I did there?) Sure, the CEO or HR team may be the ones with the inside scoop, but by asking questions, they are making sure that they are: (1) leading the conversation, (2) not giving away too much information, (3) better understanding your position, and (4) allowing themselves time to pause. So what can you do shift the power dynamics in your favour? Ask questions. Then PAUSE.
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Fotini Iconomopoulos and Andrea Bain speaking at the Lean In Canada Negotiations Event
Pause. Possibly one of the biggest takeaways from the talk, Fotini reiterated again and again just how important it is to give yourself time to think before you speak and, more importantly, before you make any big decisions (like, accepting the first offer). If you aren’t happy with the salary being discussed, don’t feel like you have to make a decision on the spot. (Rookie mistake!) Let the employer know that you’ll get back to them with an answer by the end of the week, for example.
- Don’t let likeability cloud your judgment. If your judgment is clouded, Fotini tells us, you might close a deal way too soon. (Remember that 68% of women accept their initial salary offer.) But here’s the thing: As a woman, odds are that you are already more likeable than your male peers. Why? Well, as Fotini reminded us during her talk, women tend to be better at building and maintaining relationships, we’re good listeners, and we know “when to shut up.” So if we’re already ahead of the game, why do negotiations make us want to run screaming in the other direction? I’m no psychologist, but maybe it’s a fear of losing our high ranking on the likeability scale.
- Have a Plan B, C and D ready. You’ll be better prepared for a “no” if you come armed with alternatives. Whether that be other job interviews lined up, suggested tweaks to the benefits package, or more vacation time, you’ll still feel like you’re winning if your backup plans are of value to you. Just be prepared to pull one out of your back pocket (or pull out entirely) if the negotiations are not going in your favour.
A final thought! No matter how much you dislike the thought of negotiating, remember this: As women, we are actively negotiating with the people in our lives every single day. And if you have a small child in your life, you may just have some of the best negotiation skills out there. (Have you ever negotiated bedtime or broccoli-eating or toy-sharing with a toddler?)
The truth is, we don’t really need to practice. We are already master negotiators.
Are you saving for your dream home? Ready to talk about next steps? Give me a call at 416.895.4337 or shoot me an email at me@iamdespina.com.
